Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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