dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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