one might say we're banned from that church
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
