um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
