my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
