Betty ford says i'm here all night
My balls are so social today.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
