Are we in a gay sports bar?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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