It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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