My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
