She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
