this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
