i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
