I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
