i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
