somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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