i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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