if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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