I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
