Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
