Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
