VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
