So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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