I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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