he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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