Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
