belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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