my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
