if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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