Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
