i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
one might say we're banned from that church
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize