I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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