He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
