it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
