yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
