He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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