The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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