Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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