If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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