hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
being pregnant is like rehab
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
