i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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