He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
