dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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