she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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