I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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