i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
