I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
