Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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