i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
