I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
