If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
