Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
