Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
