I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
