I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize