This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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