Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize