I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
