she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Alive.
So much puke
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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