well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
