I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
