new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
