I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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